This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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