Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
