i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
