yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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