i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize