You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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