she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
