I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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