I think my vagina is haunted
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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