it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
