its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
