Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize