no, he came in my armpit
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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