Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
