He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
