Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
