my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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