Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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