I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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