I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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