I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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