Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
how drunk are you?
Several
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
