Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
