I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
