He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
