i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize