Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This house was built for laser tag.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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