Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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