remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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