just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
