I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
