TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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