did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
