Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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