We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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