I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
