it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize