I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
