She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
