just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
