It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
