Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
