Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
