I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
