He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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