we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
