Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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