my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
