I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
