I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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