i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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