is your mom at the bar?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize