One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
