you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Boobs are out for the taking
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
