New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
