I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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