your parents love me but you hate me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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