You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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