You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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