The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
