I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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