and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
