Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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