I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
