Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
