Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And then my night got REAL pukey
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
