dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
