Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
