My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
