Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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