So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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