She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
