Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
