"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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