Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
